I must have gotten the vaccine.

There is an unseen epidemic plaguing young Americans today and something has to be done. Everyday, 20-somethings everywhere are losing good friends. You think to yourself "Nah, it'll never happen to someone I know, we're all young, invincible, and carefree" but eventually the unimaginable happens. One day while you're minding your own business, rocking along to the Juvenile (yet strangely appealing) riffs of Tenacious D, you get the news; "I'm engaged!"

It happened to me, yet again, today in the form of an e-mail from my college friend H. My initial response was "*squeal like a school girl* congratulations!!" After all, that's what you do when you hear someone is engaged, but there was a sort of underlying sadness. Not because I was losing a friend (though I really should keep in touch more), but because I realized that those that fall victim to this epidemic are finding true love while the rest of us have love lives like something out of "Seinfeld".

So, to all of those people out there with healthy, stable relationships, I thought I would give you a little taste of what you are missing. Here are some of my recent answers to questions like "How'd the date go last night?" or "What ever happened between you and *insert name here*?":

"She's extremely antisocial."
"She's cynical as hell, by the end I was too depressed to move."
"She wouldn't stop talking about shaving her brother's legs."
"She's racist."
"She's too judgmental."
"She's both racist and too judgmental."
"She's perfect, just my type....... but I'm not interested"
"She's perfect, just my type....... but she's not interested"
"She's perfect, just my type....... but she's only interested in me when she's drunk"
"She's okay, but I'm really not into leashes, spiked collars and latex clothing."
"She always has someplace vague and mysterious that she must go to in the middle of our dates and said place does not allow for company."
"It turns out that she was actually 37 when she told me she was 26."
"It turns out she was fooling around with everyone in town that has an internet connection."
"It turns out that she is a compulsive liar. She said that she was getting help, but for some reason I don't believe her"

Finding someone that you can put up with for the rest of your life and whom, in turn, can put up with you is much harder than it sounds. So H, here's to you and to those that make it look easy because deep down we all know that its not. Congratulations and believe me, you aren't missing much!!